My Dimmesdalian curse.

I’ve told myself that it’s very important that I get out here and write a post, if not everyday, then at least every other day.  And writing does feel great sometimes.

Sometimes it feels like work.  Sometimes it doesn’t help at all.

I’m just having one of those days where everything I have to do to get ahead in the world is laid out before me. Here’s a list I’m working on:

1. Gotta get my MCSA certification in computers, so I can

2. Get a better paying job, so I can

3. Afford to pay these outstanding bills, so I can

4. Get back into school and finish my degree, so I can

5. Get my wife back into school, so she can

6. Do something she enjoys doing, so we can

7. Have more time to do what we love, so we can

8. Be middle-class, and happy.

Or……..at least so I can say we’ve tried.

I’m thirty-two years old.  Why haven’t I already done at least two of these things already?  Well, I’m sure you’re well aware that life gets in the way of the best laid plans.  My plans weren’t great plans, to be frank, as I spent the better part of my young adulthood either drunk, severely depressed, or filled with the sort of simple fear of self that keeps one wrapped up in timidity for many years.

Part one of this checklist (MCSA certification) is really very easy, and something I’ve done before, but it’s hard to stay on the horse of self-study, because impatience just kills everything to the point that eventually the greatest of all desires is just to give up, or to while away the hours in a feedback loop of pointless distraction. I cannot allow that to kill this effort!

Throughout my first stint in college, I used to write myself a little letter every so often, explaining just exactly what my goals were and what I shoud stay focused on.  Everytime I wrote those letters, I would come away feeling very satisfied with my tenacity, eager to get things going, and ready to jump into it all.  But little did I know that just a couple of years later I’d be ducking classes, and proving myself so very wrong in so many ways.

I punish myself for those years, but so much so that it has become a fault.  I can’t let that become my next big mistake.

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September 2008
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

Currently Listening:

Mr. Bungle - California

Why, yes, I am cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.

You lika de juice????

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