Insecurity + Time = Resigned Smile

So I had to take a self-portrait for work today.  We are getting these new more official-ish name tags for use at certain on-site Tech jobs, it’s all part of a cruddy corporate philosophy of looking professional even though the proscenium of appearance is most often entered upon by the lackluster banality of one’s work ethic.  But, I promise you, I’m completely exceptional, as is America.

Anyway, I was even more befuddled than usual upon taking my own picture and thought it might be instructive, humility-wise, sharing the experience with you.

#1

Artist in repose, hat freshly removed, not even bothering to sit upright in chair.

#2

For fuck’s sake, I’m immediately in front of an over-bright ugly lamp (out of which appears to be popping an alarmed-looking newborn baby). I’m no photographer but this is just a travesty of misplaced elements. Hence I shall call this one Glasses Akimbo! and proceed to mock it indefinitely.

#3

I had a good feeling about this one.  And then it was gone.  Perhaps as an album cover though, if I ever start a Kevin Shields tribute band.  I might even leave the text just for the self-referential fourth-wall cred.

#4

You can tell I’m starting to take this a little more seriously, but as usual when I take a photo I look like I’m covering up for the fact that I just farted.

#5

And here’s one where even I know I haven’t gotten away with it.

#6

Aww, not terrible, but I had to have another go because my teeth, as usual, are terrible.

Stoned immaculate, at least by all appearances.  You can tell I’m trying to hide those teeth.

#7

My son was wondering what the heck is going on at this point, so I just took this last one in a hurry, and in the end, I just had to say “fuck it” and go with it.  Because, you know?  Fuck it.

#8 For A Perfect World

And here is me slingin’ an imaginary Hughes Dirty, or what I call a Doc Holiday (think Val Kilmer in “Tombstone”), because got-dammit puberty is going to be great when it finally comes along.

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October 2008
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

Currently Listening:

Mr. Bungle - California

Why, yes, I am cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.

You lika de juice????

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