A study on summer doldrums, part one of a billion.

Hey there.

I must confess:  I got nothin’.  Musically, and pretty much all around.  I don’t know what’s what.  I’ve got some musical ideas rolling around up in my head and I’ve picked up the guitar here and there.  I’m not dead out of ideas but I’m just not getting a lot of time lately to set them down.  And also, not a lot of money to spend on liquor, which must be said is a pretty good muse for a Nervous Nellie like myself when trying to sing into a microphone that forgives not the slightest mistake.

Another thing is this, and I’m really ticked off about it: when I get stressed out, music just sucks.  Mine, yours… the whole thing is just an exercise in idiocy and I want no part of it.  The merciless part of me takes over and says, “what the fuck can you do with musical talent?”  And this makes me upset even now to think about it.  I mean, in computers, you can do a lot: there are many many fields of study and application to choose from.  In music, you can perform for money, you can compose for money, or you can teach for money.  Teaching is something I may in fact do one day when I have a proper house-like abode in which to host students, but for now it’s not going to work.  Performing is something I may do occasionally for shits and giggles but I don’t want to live the life of a gypsy, as romantic as it seems to some.  To me it seems like a crappy life.  And God knows you can’t make a living selling albums anymore.  So what’s left?  Composition?

Alright, so what’s the angle?  I so far have composed a handful of nice folksy tunes, some weirdo fake-psychedelic stuff, and some flaky techno that I’m too embarrassed about to even put on this here blog (and you all know my standards are, like, not incredibly stringent, ahem).  & What do people make money composing for nowadays, anyway?  Movies and video games, I guess, along with the occasional notable Volkswagen commercial. Well, I’m all for that, sign me up…..except I don’t know a soul in ANY creative field.  I’m just your standard lower middle-class peon from Augusta, GA, one with maybe the slightest amount of brain-power which so far has been of little use or note even to myself, as I’ve let go of my world-class ego a long time ago.  I guess I just need to reach out somehow, meet some folks in the business, even if only online.   I thought having a blog with a musical dimension would do that trick for me, but as it turns out, as usual I’m late to the party.  To be honest, I just don’t really even know how to promote a blog anyway, and don’t feel right plugging it in other people’s blogs, because it just seems like a semi-evil thing to do.

Melancholy.  Ennui.  Woe!  Dark and troubling, these storms of the soul!  Egads, this is pathetic.  Like all my incredibly positive and uplifting songs say, of course I’m going to end up so happy, famous, & remarkably financially comfortable – although I’d sooner give away my income than have anyone be able to accuse me of being rich.  But that’ll be okay because after all, I could have been rich, if only I wasn’t so awesome.

This has been another episode of Jason’s Emotional Seesaw; do tune in again, as next time I plan on flipping you off and then telling you I love you.

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July 2009
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

Currently Listening:

Mr. Bungle - California

Why, yes, I am cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.

You lika de juice????

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