I’m supposed to get my thoughts out from here.

So here goes:

LIFE ON THE WAGON

Can’t believe I’m stuck thinking about drinking at work.  I don’t drink here!

Not drinking itself is in fact not that hard.  It’s not purchasing when it’s right there which is hard. It’s looking yourself over, finding something lacking, and still not trying to substitute your bad time for alcohol which is hard.

20 days, w00t w00t. Not getting any easier other than the initial ease that followed after day three or so.  Still getting cravings, and anxiety (though that is constant anyway I suppose).

I guess I had hoped that alcohol was exacerbating things?  But I seem to be no worse for wear after this time sober.  Still with the shaky hands, the deflated ego, the anxiety, the trouble sleeping, the depression, the anxiety…

RUMINATING ON RUMINATING

I think here’s the point in which I know I’m having a mental episode.  I get to obsessing on things, like even thinking itself, and how otherworldly it can all seem when seen from a vacant mind’s eye.  Like my third eye is stuck in my bellybutton, like a cork being flushed down a toilet, tending towards bobbing up and up, while always sinking down and down in spite of efforts to rise. 

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September 2013
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

Currently Listening:

Mr. Bungle - California

Why, yes, I am cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.

You lika de juice????

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