Four Truths

Maybe it happens to be true that forgiveness is a thing one discovers in time, more than it is a thing one decides in the mind. I am trying to remain open to everything because there must be some good things waiting for me, but I need to understand this thing about forgiveness right now because I know it is what hurts the most. It’s excruciating and constantly gnaws at me. If I can forgive and be forgiven (I’m pretty sure I need both) I’ll be much farther along the path of life, and getting acquainted with the Four Noble Truths as they exist in Buddhist philosophy (I’m paraphrasing):

1. All life is suffering
2. Clinging to my sense of control in life will perpetuate the suffering
3. Relinquishing my sense of control in life prevents and ameliorates suffering
4. Meditation can help to relinquish my sense of control in life

I’m not Buddhist but I see some universal truth there. I wish though that this forgiveness would come into my life. I also need to learn how to let her go. I don’t want to do it. But I guess it needs doing, because she  hasn’t come back and it hurts me to keep rehashing the situation over and over again, and wishing I could undo the damage that has built up over time. I’m just s o very sorry that it had to come to this. She is unforgettable, that I know, so what I really have to do, I guess, is change the intensity level of the things I think about her. I don’t spend all my time lusting after her, but I do think of her more than I think of my other friends. I don’t seem to be able to do it on my own. I’ve just got to find a way to keep things classy between us so we can go through life with dignity. I’m told that is important as well.

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March 2016
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

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Mr. Bungle - California

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