One thing that hurts about divorce is that you have to deconstruct all the various things, emotional structures so to speak, that you have built with your spouse over the years. We had a rich history together that was special to me. I know it wasn’t perfect but it was singular, and it was our story. When you get divorced, you have to forsake that history, and for some reason it seems that in the contemporary disposable consumer culture we live in today, it’s almost a certainty that the deconstruction of this relationship, paramount in importance as it is, will not survive and once it’s terminated, nobody even bothers to do the improbably possible: to rekindle it.

It’s a weird thought but seems to be true: friends don’t divorce each other and seem to be hardier than married relationships, all told. So in a weird way, maybe if we can be friends, real friends with authentic feelings, we can get to a stability that surpasses the always-struggling nature of our marriage? Hmm.

Well shit. That is tough to grapple with. There are no guarantees I guess. This divorce has taught me, though, that there never were any, which contradicts the assumption that I had for many years and which ultimately ensured the crap that I’ve been dealt would be incredibly painful.


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March 2016
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Currently Reading:

Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame - Charles Bukowski

Currently Listening:

Mr. Bungle - California

Why, yes, I am cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.

You lika de juice????

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