Self-help to help self.

I wanna talk about tautologies.

Specifically the tautology that ensues when trying to talk to yourself about your own problems.

I have a hard time trusting my thoughts on all matters lately, big and small, and by turns I come to this distrust through a long winding process of anxiety and depression.  The more I think on it, and I think on it a lot, the more I think that my whole problem is that I have a huge concern for my the largeness of the universe while simultaneously experiencing my life through this tiny prism of a brain which tries and constantly fails to take in all the universe.   It’s like the old saw: I know enough to realize that I really know nothing.

We come to this world, and presumably leave it, with very little to depend upon in the interim. The trick is finding those precious few things and holding onto them tightly.  Well for me that is a problem, since one of my things that I have always been able to depend on was my own mind, my desires, and my needs and even the predictable nature of my own failings.  These things were a comfort and a way for me to anchor myself, but lately, I don’t even have them, because of the hold that anxiety and depression have over my personality.  I won’t even get into the physical side of things because I don’t know how much of that is me, and how much is medication.

Anyway I guess I’m just having a bad day and don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Rest assured there was some really profound stuff coming your way, but the mood escapes me now.  Work is almost done, thank God, and I’m glad to have the chance to come home.